the bitter taste of losing everything
4:42 pm - January 19, 2004

Today is very much a nothing day. I feel disconnected from everything and everyone, including myself. I watch my fingers type these words, but I don't feel it, not really. I sip my coffee, but it doesn't really register. Sometimes you just look around and see someone smiling, and you wonder why. I finished "The Five People You Meet In Heaven" today. It was a very good book, and maybe it shouldn't have put me in such a melancholy mindframe, but it did. Sometimes I wonder about life. Not very often, but on these wet, gray days, you start to wonder. Where is it all going? What really happens afterward? I would like to think that it's something like in "The Five People You Meet In Heaven". Five people come to you. Explain how they were connected to you, or you to them. And by the end, you understand. Everything. Why you were who you were in life, why the things that happened to you did, where you were heading the whole time. Oh well. It's no use wishing after those answers.