i feel like i just got fucking punched in the stomach
2:34 pm - November 29, 2003

Jesus Christ, after all this time I finally get a fucking e-mail from him, and he's seeing someone, he didn't know how to tell me before, his computer was broken. And I'm acting so goddamn normal, smiling and laughing with my mom and my blood actually feels cold. I feel like the fucking idiot and like this was all a big fucking game, and I'm biting my lip so hard to keep from crying before I can get in the shower and just let it all go. What is so wrong with me? If I were in a slightly more sane frame of mind I might say I'm being melodramatic but it hurts, it hurts so much because it's been almost a fucking year since we started talking and they started seeing each other the DAY before we met....and it's all this giant fucking mess and I just want to go to sleep and not wake up again for awhile.