looking for a place to land
3:26 pm - October 18, 2003

I've been looking at college websites for about an hour now. God! I don't want to do this, I don't want to think about it. I don't want to have to think about all those thousands of dollars, deadlines, required courses, everything so difficult and foreign that seemed so far away. But it's not far away anymore, it's so close. And all the security I thought I had, knowing where I want to to, what I want to do...what if it's not real? What if I've fooled myself into thinking it's what I want so I don't have to panic? This is all so confusing, and so hard, and right now I'm so freaked out I can't even see the good side of all this.