i can't get no satisfaction
9:36 pm - September 16, 2003

I'm so frustrated. Nothing I can do, nothing I can provide, can convince my parents that Bryan is who he says he is. I realize that there's no way I can be sure either, but they are so unwilling to see anything but the worst. There's an article in today's Metro section about the fights that happened last Friday at Parkrose, with a quote from Bryan, identified as student body president, and a quote from his younger brother. Bryan has sort of invited me to soccer games that he's playing in. Emily talked to some girl who (maybe?) knows Bryan.

Who the fuck would be stupid enough to try and impersonate someone who is the student body president of a school? I realize that the timing in which he kind of disappeared for a few weeks wasn't great. It was during the time that we were supposed to meet, that he was supposed to meet my parents, that we were supposed to go on a double date. And boom, he's gone for a few weeks.

Why isn't this easier? Am I just so lame that I can't get a guy in real life-- just online? Just some freakish psychopath playing with my mind and heart? I felt good today, confident and pretty and loved but it all comes crashing down when my dad confronts me about things related to Bryan. So accusatory, so insulting. Maybe I'm too trusting and that's the problem, but there has to be some point when we step off the edge and learn to trust. I realize it's ideal to trust someone you've met, but life doesn't always fit together that way. I want simplicity, I want someone who doesn't cause me problems, who doesn't make my friends and family doubt my sanity. But that's not what I got, and I still want him. Where is this going? Where am I going?