we will know that to be a part is to be truly whole

i really feel i'm losing my best friend
3:45 pm - June 29, 2003

You and me

We used to be together

Every day together always

I really feel

I'm losing my best friend

I can't believe

This could be the end

It looks as though you're letting go

And if it's real

Well I don't want to know

Don't speak

I know just what you're saying

So please stop explaining

Don't tell me 'cause it hurts

Don't speak

I know what you're thinking

I don't need your reasons

Don't tell me 'cause it hurts

Our memories

They can be inviting

But some are altogether

Mighty frightening

As we die, both you and I

With my head in my hands

I sit and cry

Don't speak

I know just what you're saying

So please stop explaining

Don't tell me 'cause it hurts

Don't speak

I know what you're thinking

I don't need your reasons

Don't tell me 'cause it hurts

It's all ending

I gotta stop pretending who we are

You and me

I can see us dying ... are we?

Hush, hush, darling

-- "Don't Speak", No Doubt

I feel such deep guilt and sadness about Jenny. I didn't say goodbye the way I think I needed to, really, I was angry last night and have been for a long time I guess, and maybe I still am. Everything hurts and there are constant tears behind my eyes. Now it will be six weeks before I even get to see her again and what will have changed then? I still want to be angry, angry with her about her journal entry, that she has no regrets. No regrets? She doesn't regret the broken promise she made to me? Good for her. I guess all the emotion on that one got passed on to me, and it hurts so much. I remember how we used to be and I miss it, and I've tried so hard to get back to that, and nothing worked. I have to let this go for the time being, but how do you let go of something so painful and meaningful?

On a brighter note, I had such a good time with Melissa last night, good talks and so good to know I'm not the only one who feels the way I do about certain things. Thanks for your friendship, I always care whether you're there or not!

You, reading this right now: download "Seasons of Love" from RENT if you've never heard it before or don't already have it. Please do it. Lyrics below:

Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes

Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred moments so dear

Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes

How do you measure - measure a year?

In daylights - In sunsets

In midnights - In cups of coffee

In inches - In miles

In laughter - In strife

In - Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes

How do you measure a year in the life

How about love?

Measure in love

Seasons of love

Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes

Five hundred twenty-five thousand

Journeys to plan

Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes

How do you measure the life

Of a woman or a man?

In truths that she learned

Or in times that he cried

In bridges he burned

Or the way that she died

It's time now - to sing out

Tho' the story never ends

Let's celebrate

Remember a year in the life of friends

Remember the love

Measure in love

Measure, measure your life in love

Seasons of love ...

Seasons of love