there's an end but we don't get to choose
10:50 pm - June 11, 2003

Listening to: "In The Summer's When You Really Know" by Jets To Brazil

Talking to Bryan and it doesn't feel the same. Maybe it's just the time issue, we haven't talked for more than a week but...I don't know, I can't pinpoint it. It's probably stupid and paranoid and if friends were here, they'd be rolling their eyes and calling me crazy. So I'll let it go for now.

Melissa and I had our birthday party last night and I had fun. I hope other people did too. I've heard from a few different people that there was too much negativity going on. Sorry if you felt that way. Sometimes I feel like everyone is so determined to change that they only see the bad. For example, I had a great time at Abernethy talking with people in the gazebo and the field and the gardens. Being silly in the basement was fun.

Everyone is leaving and I have this perpetual fear that they'll come back completely changed and not wanting to be my friend anymore. Remember me okay? I love you guys!

Warm fuzzy feelings. Bryan just sent me this(he's going on a cruise to the Bahamas on Friday):

I'm gonna get ya something cool from down there so when I come back.....we're gonna HAVE to meet up soon so I can give it to ya...

Summer is stretching ahead of me and yet it doesn't feel like it. In previous summers I've had jobs and vacations and parties to think about and wait for. But there's not much. I feel bored already. But at least school is over!!!

Great song: (it's the one I'm listening to)

in the tall grass of a long sun a quiet repast and i'm sweet nothings

come hell i'm your lover your man your friend your fair weather

it's a world stopped afternoon passion legs your wordless

all blue routes to your birth place chalk white wincing pretty in it

summer dress your hair's wet and gets into our kisses

can you tell why my intentions always wind up near misses

there's a kindness in your smile but my sky plays fatal music

there's the promise and the shell of great beginnings seldom finished

in the laze of a barefoot afternoon. what's a boy to do?

sunday eyes, am i losing you? is the summer really through?

straps down and overtired if i had a favorite picture

i'd call it right now, uncertain, braced for your disaster

summer gown were you sent down to wrestle me to reason

i'm a thrown fight in your favor i'll do everything but listen to you now

in the laze of an empty afternoon. it's all happening too soon.

sunday eyes, am i losing you? say it isn't true.

in the summer you really know

that it doesn't feel like the summer so much anymore

but i keep trying to find you somewhere smiling

over me over you over me

summer girl all summer long you know the winter's wrong

southbound those motel towns can mend most broken mornings

there's citrus groves where noone knows the fruit of truth from evil

and a long walk on a short pier means nothing more than swimming here

there's an end but we don't get to choose. we can only lose.

if i cried a river just for you

would you swim in it some sunny afternoon?

in the summer you'll really know

you're the only summer that i think i'll ever know

so i'll keep trying to find you somewhere smiling

over me over you over me