no more talk of why can't that be me
10:33 pm - May 28, 2003

It's amazing to me how much in my mind, I resent the idea of exercising. But once I'm outside drinking in the late afternoon air and feeling breeze against my skin, it's wonderful. I played tennis with my dad tonight after my voice lesson and had a lot of fun. Something very satisfying about hearing the solid smack of racket against ball, it's like I'm just throwing all my cares away. Sure I didn't look attractive with my pink, sweaty face or sexy with my pasty white legs but afterward, guzzling water and staring at my frizzy, wispy hair, I felt healthy, like I could get used to this. Maybe I will.

Talking to Bryan. It's wonderful to be talking to a guy who listens and cares about what I'm saying. He asked how my history test went, my parents don't even remember half of the time. He remembered that I told him that Jenny got her wisdom teeth out and asked how she was. We have actual conversations instead of just me trying to provoke some kind of communication--- that's always how it was with Jay. I tried to get him to talk about things by dropping subtle (or not so subtle) hints. It didn't always work. This is a new thing for me and I really can't wait to see where it goes.

Feeling ready to take charge, TOK got me thinking. I want to take responsibility for myself and my happiness.