it's another you day
10:25 pm - May 26, 2003

I've had frequent conversations with Bryan this weekend, one on Saturday afternoon, two yesterday, and I'm having one now. I feel the funniest and nicest rush of glee every time he IMs me, and before anyone (ahem) says that I'm being a wimp and a non-feminist, I've IMed him too. Last night we talked for almost two hours. Granted, he either doesn't type that fast or does a lot of other things at the same time, because there are long gaps in between our messages. But still. Two hours is a long time to talk to someone you've never seen face to face.

I had visions of him coming to Springtasia, fantasies running through my mind while I was on stage. I convinced myself at least twice that I saw him in the crowd. I pictured him in the lobby after the show, waiting for me. I pictured seeing him and ducking behind a wall, breathing hard, scared and excited at the same time. I pictured myself in his arms, and us going off for coffee or something afterward. But all of these were only fantasies, pictures and ideas inside my head, and he didn't come.

As we keep talking, I find more and more things that we have in common. We are both lazy/boring/non-action people. We love the beach in the same way, love watching the waves from warm blankets and soft furniture, love reading with the sound of water hitting sand in our ears. We both procrastinate although him maybe worse than me. And it goes on. I just told him what my history book was about, a gay man growing up. We'll see what he says, if he has any differing opinions than me on the subject.

Yesterday was Jill's surprise birthday party, so much fun. We watched movies and goofed around, had a water fight and played soccer. All the couples...I felt uneasy but mostly wistful. I wanted arms around me, lips on the side of my head. The sad thing is, I probably could have had that. I probably could have said, back in February or March, "Bryan, let's meet, let's do something." And who knows where we'd be now.

I feel so bad for Jenny and her poor teeth or lackthereof. I tried, I did, with a card and a movie and yogurt drinks but I felt unhelpful and like it would be the same whether I was there or gone. She sounded so busy and stressed on the phone today that I didn't even ask if she wanted company.

Time to go to bed now, Bryan said sweet things like that he hopes I have sweet dreams. Hmmm. Could be potential for this one. :)