i guess i thought that this would never end
11:30 pm - May 23, 2003

Sitting here with tears in my eyes:

And so we talked all night about the rest of our lives

Where we're gonna be when we turn 25

I keep thinking times will never change

Keep on thinking things will always be the same

But when we leave this year we won't be coming back

No more hanging out cause we're on a different track

And if you got something that you need to say

You better say it right now cause you don't have another day

Cause we're moving on and we can't slow down

These memories are playing like a film without sound

And I keep thinking of that night in June

I didn't know much of love

But it came too soon

And there was me and you

And we got so blue

Stay at home talking on the telephone

We'd get so excited, we'd get so scared

Laughing at ourselves thinking life's not fair

And this is how it feels

- As we go on

We remember

All the times we

Had together

And as our lives change

Come whatever

We will still be

Friends Forever

So if we get the big jobs

And we make the big money

When we look back now

Will our jokes still be funny?

Will we still remember everything we learned in school?

Still be trying to break every single rule

Will little brainy Bobby be the stockbroker man?

Can Heather find a job that won't interfere with her tan?

I keep, I keep thinking that it's not goodbye

Keep on thinking it's a time to fly

And this is how it feels

La, la, la, la:

Yeah, yeah, yeah

La, la, la, la:

We will still be friends forever

Will we think about tomorrow like we think about now?

Can we survive it out there?

Can we make it somehow?

I guess I thought that this would never end

And suddenly it's like we're women and men

Will the past be a shadow that will follow us 'round?

Will these memories fade when I leave this town

I keep, I keep thinking that it's not goodbye

Keep on thinking it's a time to fly

I know we don't have to leave yet. But in some strange way it's like we've already left. I feel so disconnected from people I thought I would always know like the back of my hand. I had visions of us being maids of honor or bridesmaids in each other's wedding, having kids at the same time, growing and changing through the middles and ends of our lives. It's not that it won't happen, but those images don't come as easily now. Why do we try to hard to find other people, other things? In a world where some people go an entire lifetime without finding even one person they can love and who loves them back, I have many. I love you all even if I don't always know how to show it.

I'm not ready to leave yet, and even though there's more than a year it's not enough. There are things that I won't miss about high school, obviously. Homework, some teachers, seemingly unreasonable demands on our time. But the things I will miss far outweigh the things I won't. I will miss warm afternoons when all anyone can do is think about being outside. I will miss seeing familiar faces in the hallways, slumping against the lockers at 7:45 in the morning, singing on the way out of choir. I will miss the casual friends and the dear friends, the boy that I loved and the people I don't really know, but that provide a colorful foundation for conversation. I am not ready to leave shabby halls and run-down classrooms. One day when I'm old, I'll look back on these days and remember everything. The good and the bad. "Everything was beautiful and nothing hurt." The boy who has a locker next to me has a drawing of a gravestone in his locker, with that inscribed on it. Everything was beautiful because I was, and still am, surrounded with love and beauty. This is my life and I love it.