i guess i thought that this would never end
11:30 pm - May 23, 2003
Sitting here with tears in my eyes:
And so we talked all night about the rest of our lives
Where we're gonna be when we turn 25
I keep thinking times will never change
Keep on thinking things will always be the same
But when we leave this year we won't be coming back
No more hanging out cause we're on a different track
And if you got something that you need to say
You better say it right now cause you don't have another day
Cause we're moving on and we can't slow down
These memories are playing like a film without sound
And I keep thinking of that night in June
I didn't know much of love
But it came too soon
And there was me and you
And we got so blue
Stay at home talking on the telephone
We'd get so excited, we'd get so scared
Laughing at ourselves thinking life's not fair
And this is how it feels
- As we go on
We remember
All the times we
Had together
And as our lives change
Come whatever
We will still be
Friends Forever
So if we get the big jobs
And we make the big money
When we look back now
Will our jokes still be funny?
Will we still remember everything we learned in school?
Still be trying to break every single rule
Will little brainy Bobby be the stockbroker man?
Can Heather find a job that won't interfere with her tan?
I keep, I keep thinking that it's not goodbye
Keep on thinking it's a time to fly
And this is how it feels
La, la, la, la:
Yeah, yeah, yeah
La, la, la, la:
We will still be friends forever
Will we think about tomorrow like we think about now?
Can we survive it out there?
Can we make it somehow?
I guess I thought that this would never end
And suddenly it's like we're women and men
Will the past be a shadow that will follow us 'round?
Will these memories fade when I leave this town
I keep, I keep thinking that it's not goodbye
Keep on thinking it's a time to fly
I know we don't have to leave yet. But in some strange way it's like we've already left. I feel so disconnected from people I thought I would always know like the back of my hand. I had visions of us being maids of honor or bridesmaids in each other's wedding, having kids at the same time, growing and changing through the middles and ends of our lives. It's not that it won't happen, but those images don't come as easily now. Why do we try to hard to find other people, other things? In a world where some people go an entire lifetime without finding even one person they can love and who loves them back, I have many. I love you all even if I don't always know how to show it.
I'm not ready to leave yet, and even though there's more than a year it's not enough. There are things that I won't miss about high school, obviously. Homework, some teachers, seemingly unreasonable demands on our time. But the things I will miss far outweigh the things I won't. I will miss warm afternoons when all anyone can do is think about being outside. I will miss seeing familiar faces in the hallways, slumping against the lockers at 7:45 in the morning, singing on the way out of choir. I will miss the casual friends and the dear friends, the boy that I loved and the people I don't really know, but that provide a colorful foundation for conversation. I am not ready to leave shabby halls and run-down classrooms. One day when I'm old, I'll look back on these days and remember everything. The good and the bad. "Everything was beautiful and nothing hurt." The boy who has a locker next to me has a drawing of a gravestone in his locker, with that inscribed on it. Everything was beautiful because I was, and still am, surrounded with love and beauty. This is my life and I love it.