you're my only hope
7:29 pm - May 07, 2003

Listening to: "Only Hope" by Mandy Moore

My grandmother is driving the entire family crazy and my aunt is in a sad, sad place. They have to be out of their house in a week from Thursday(tomorrow) and they don't know where they're going. The results from the ultrasound haven't come back. Everything's bad. My grandma won't stop worrying and butting in and making bad suggestions and it's all just crazy, I feel like I always have to walk on eggshells around someone.

I talked to Bryan on Instant Message for the first time a couple of days ago. Maybe it's not such a big thing to be excited about, but it's a step in the right direction, one step closer to real conversation. It was nice.

I was thinking today about guys and such things. Watching Jay play his song today in Music made me remember why I liked him so much, even though I'm almost entirely positive that I don't like him anymore. But watching his hands fly over the piano, I wanted to take those hands and touch them(although I'm aware that sounds very stalkerish and scary), to feel the energy and the talent under the skin. He is amazing.

I remembered back in freshman year when Jay and I sang "Where You Are" and we were practicing, and Sara K. was in the room and he just looked at me, and said to her, "God, isn't she amazing?" Etc. If guys knew how much girls valued compliments and remembered them, they could get so much further. If they could just open up now and then, tell girls how they feel and what they think about them, they would be much happier. Anyway. Stepping off soapbox now.