anytime you need love, baby i'm on your side
6:55 pm - April 20, 2003

I'm listening to: Kelly Clarkson's CD, specifically "Anytime". I LOVE this CD!

Oops, I didn't realize it had been so long since I wrote in this. Last week was not fun, stressful and scary in some parts. We still don't know what's going on with my aunt. She has to go in for more tests next week. She sold her house and thought she had found a great little house to rent. I saw it, it was adorable, with a great yard for the kids. The guy selling it gave it to someone else. I don't know what they're going to do.

The family just left from our Easter celebration. It was fun; nice. My cousin, Kenton, is 15 now and I can't believe the guy he's turning out to be. Just two years ago he was practically psychotic, he had Ausburger's Syndrome which made him semi-crazy, he had incredible temper tantrums. But then he got a medication and changed schools and what a difference. He's turned punky and it suits him. I was listening to him talk about hanging out with his friends until midnight last night and it was so strange. You know that feeling when you do something, and you don't think anyone else does it, and then you find out they do? If that even made sense. It was just so weird, seeing him turning into who he is now.

Mairin is getting older too. I remember when I was young and my older cousins Colleen and Meghan used to come over. I loved being around them, talking to them and listening to them, going shopping or just going out. It was a dose of reality today when I realized Mairin was looking at me and listening to me like I used to, to her older sisters. I taught her to play the first part of "Fur Elise" on the piano, we watched videos and I put makeup on her. It's one of those times when I really wish I could drive right now, because I would be able to go out to Beaverton, where she lives, and be there for her.

My cousin Meghan, who I rarely see, stopped by for awhile with her boyfriend of the month. I shouldn't say that, because he seemed like the nicest guy she's ever brought to one of our family get-togethers, but it's generally a different guy every time. He kept touching her, stroking her back, holding her hand, tucking her hair behind her ear. Do you ever have one of those kind of daydreams/fantasies/whatever where you picture something happening in your head, and it seems completely real? That happened to me while they were here. All I could picture was me and Bryan. I wish we were four months in the future in terms of our "relationship", if I can even call it that. I wished that he was there with me. Meghan and Colleen have been bringing guys since I was probably 9 or 10 and I want it to be my turn now. Maybe by 4th of July or my birthday I'll get my wish. Speaking of Bryan, I feel so bad. I haven't written him a "real" e-mail in so long. I want to do it tonight but I haven't done my homework yet, so I doubt that will happen. Maybe if I start on it now, I'll be able to.